Canine Autoimmune Hemolytic Anemia (AIHA & IMHA) - The hardest decision in the world

June 21. I have seen no improvement in Toqua for 24 hrs. No desire to go for a walk again tonight, and she wanted nothing to do with the yummy lots-o-trimmings soup bone I got for her. But she still gives me kisses and wags her tail, though she has become VERY sluggish. Even Finley knows something is up. He's been hiding for most of the day. I have spent today thinking long and hard about a lot of things. Our first two weeks together camping in the Rockies. Her amazing athleticism, and her always being right here. She's so completely irreplaceable. I can't imagine her not being here. But her eyes seem sad, and nothing is changing. I have had to think about the hardest decision I will ever have to make. Taking her to the vet tomorrow. I am having an awful time with this. I feel like I am giving up on her. Who am I to make that choice? But I know in my heart that she isn't going to get any better, and I don't want her to suffer. My heart is breaking. This is 100 times worse than I thought. I thought I was prepared, but how do you prepare for that day? I know she will always be with me, and I with her. And we will see each other again, but it's the time until then. It's not having her here. I know she is tired, and she deserves a rest. I can't believe it has come to this. Hoping for an overnight miracle, or at least a sign to confirm what I need to do. Jessi & Toqua

Jessi BC

Jessi -- My heart goes out to you and to Toqua, but have a good chat with the vet when you visit tomorrow. Be sure you've asked all the questions you need to ask to get a sense of where things are and where they might be headed. And enjoy your time with her. My husband and I faced this decision, and you are right that it will be the hardest one you make. In our case, we saw our sweet beagle slide suddenly after three days of slight improvements, and the vets said that such a slide was not a good sign. She also had not walked for three days, probably because of a stroke or some kind of neurological "event" as the vets called it. We would have spent anything, but we knew we would have to put her through so much, and we didn't know if she would ever have the quality of life to do the things she loved -- go for beagie walks, go bunny sniffing in the woods, provoke us to chase her, and all kinds of activities. And, she had stopped responding to us, in contrast to before. We decided the best thing was to send her to Heaven with all of our love -- and we were there with her. The last thing she knew was our love, and we were comforted knowing we had weighed our options and considered her best interests. And we were there with her. In my darkest days, the fact that we were there with her when she drew her last breath was a great comfort. So many dogs on this forum have come back, so it's important to talk to the vets. And then you have to take that info and balance it with what you know about Toqua, since you know her best. All of us on the forum are here for you. I'll keep sending best wishes and happy thoughts to you and Toqua.

Brenda VA

Dear Jessi My heart goes out to you at this time. It is such a hard decision to make, but in the end, we all do what we must, so our precious friends do not suffer unduly. I have been in your position more times than I like to remember over the past 30 something years of owning pets. It never gets any easier. I wish there was something I could say or do that would make this easier for you. Please know that I am thinking of you and if you need anything please email me. I am only 20 minutes away! Maureen and Mercedes

Maureen BC Canada

Dear Jessi, My heart is very heavy for you tonight. I know just how very hard this is, going through it twice myself in the last two years. Please do not ever feel like you are giving up on your Sweet Girl. She knows better, as do the rest of us on this forum that have been following your Sweet Girl's Story. Know that if you have to send your girl to the Bridge tomorrow that you are doing it out of LOVE and what is in her best interest. Your post stating "who am I to make that choice?" really hit home. Oh, how I thought that same thing about my boy Jacob. But he would have held on for who knows how long for me. When I took him in, he was more at peace than I had seen him in days. I feel like he knew that I was helping him to the Bridge and that brought me comfort. As Brenda said, ask the vets questions to get a sense of where things are. With that being said, ultimately it it your decision. I am so so sorry Jessi. Teresa

Teresa va

Jessi - I've been following your journey with Toqua and think you have shown so much strength and courage through it all. I just wanted to say I am so sorry to read your note tonight and my heart goes out to you. Like so many others here, I've been where you are and have felt what you are feeling. If anyone has an answer to knowing how to make that decision or making it any less difficult, I would love to know - it is the most difficult of situations. But, through sharing Toqua's story, your love for her has been so clear and I'm sure that will continue to be your guide in the days ahead. I hope it brings you some comfort to know that many of us will be keeping you and Toqua in our thoughts. Bonnie

Bonnie Chicago

Dear Jessi, I am so sorry. I would really like to give you a hug, but that would not help your pain either. Toqua knows you love her and there is nothing that can change that. I know that being prepared to make that decision does not make it easier. But be assured that we are all here for you and thinking of you and Toqua. I know this is all very personal but I still would like to share what I did with my last two dogs. Minca a rescue Catahoula died of old age, Kahlu my AIHA poodle died at 3 1/2. Both of them were cremated and we spread the ashes into their favorite creek. Both times it was a family affair with our other dogs attending. Even puppies were very respectful for the "ceremony". I still walk by that spot a lot and it helped my grieving. It is a nice spot to remember them and it will always be accessible to me. The more you love, the more it hurts. But there is nothing wrong with loving your dog a lot. I will be thinking of you and sweet Toqua, Best wishes, Brigitte

Brigitte BC Canada

Jessi, my heart and prayers are with you and Toqua today. Just remember that the decision you make is in Toqua's best interest & is one of the most caring loving things a person can do for their pets. I'll be thinking of you all today. Johnny & Tessy

Johnny

My head just keeps saying "but what if?" I know in my heart things aren't going to get better, not this time around. I feel strangely calm this a.m. While she is not in good shape she is still responding to us. I just don't know what she is holding on for. Well, I know why she is, but it sucks that this may just be left to me. I guess all we can do is go in and see what our vet has to say about her state. It terrifies me that I may not leave the clinic with her. What ever is in her best interest I will do. Thanks for all your support. Just what I needed to hear. Your words have made my heart lighter. I am not a terrible person, I am not giving up on her, and I still need to be her voice. She really isn't very happy these past 48 hours, and I know this isn't my girl. As much as it breaks my heart to see her this way, I just cannot imagine her not being here. The body is just a tavern for the soul, and I know she will always be here with me. Guess we'll see what the vet thinks. Jessi & Toqua

Jessi BC

Jessi, you know...perhaps you could postpone by a day and stop giving the pred to see what happens. It's a tough choice really to make and one only YOU can do. Are you doing bloodwork and everything first just to see what's happening? We're all here for you if you need us. Johnny & Tessy

Johnny

Hi Jessi Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and Toqua this morning. You and I have awoken to a gorgeous sunny day, here in the southern Interior. I pray that you and Toqua will be able to enjoy it together!! I hope all goes well at the vets, but if not, and you need someone to talk to, I am close by. Good Luck to you and your Toqua today! Maureen and Mercedes

Maureen BC Canada

Been thinking of you and Toqua all day. Continued thoughts and prayers for you both. Johnny & Tessy

Johnny

Jess, just saw this and wanted to say I'm so sorry. Thinking good thoughts of continued strength for both of you.

Jennifer

Jessi, You are in our prayers. Remember, the love is always there, it never dies. Sue & Ren

Susie delaware

This thread was discussed between 22/06/2010 and 24/06/2010

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