Canine Autoimmune Hemolytic Anemia (AIHA & IMHA) - meltdown

sorry guys, I am having a really bad day. It is 2 months since Brandy was diagnosed on July 22 and then died 21/2 wks later. Life has been taking many difficult turns since then, with my OB dept closing, so no job and a back injury so I can't run, but I thought I was doing better until today. I am angry because three different vets ignored me when I told them Brandy was becoming very exercise intolerant over several months. ALso had a recurrent bleeding cyst on her leg. I even had them listen to heart and lungs. They ALL said she is old and has arthritis which we were treating her for. Also had IBS since leg surgery ACL repair 2 yrs ago. I kept thinking it was all stress induced and therefore probably set the wheels of this terrible disease in motion. I think they all killed her and I feel so responsible......she didn't have to have this happen. THEY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN> And now I am on PRednisone for a back injury and it TASTES TERRIBLE!!! I am so sad for all theses furfriends who are experiencing the ravages and having to deal with the treatment. Frankly I want to join all of them on the Bridge where there is no more pain. I am so sad. My husband is here to comfort but I just am sitting hugging Brandy's toys and crying uncontrollably. Thanks for listening .......I know I will be ok again but it is a bad night. love and hugs and prayers to ALL of you and our sweet friends both here and at the Bridge. sharon and angel Brandy

sharon pa

Sharon, I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain. I can certainly understand your anger, but don't let it eat at you and please don't blame yourself. Easy for me to say, right? But, I'm sure you got in there and fought for Brandy and did all that was humanly possible to help her. Sometimes it seems like so many bad things happen all at once, like a domino effect or something, and it gets to the point that it's more than we can bear. It sounds like you've had your share of bad things lately. It is good that you have an understanding, supportive husband to help you get through this. Allow yourself to cry and to grieve and try to take good care of yourself. We are here to listen whenever you want to talk. Sharon, I pray that God will give you comfort and peace and that your back will be better soon. Karen

Karen NC

thanks Karen I know all the right things, and most of the time they are good. I should say I have also been blessed and God has opened many doors since then as well. I am grateful I have found a part time job in my profession I love which wouldn't have been possible if Brandy remained in her critical state. I am also thankful my son survived the eye of the hurricane in Houston with only some roof damage, fence down and no power. He is safe and has a house. I am gradually trying to determine the cause of the back pain, but have been so busy with everything else that is on the back burner. In all of this you all have been such a comfort and I thank you for all the prayers which have held me up at this terrible time. gratefully yours and waiting patiently for that day when we will meet on the Rainbow Bridge. sharon and Brandy

sharon pa

Sharon, I am so sorry that life has thrown you such a curve right now. I think all of us beat ourselves up for not noticing things sooner and to have it compounded by Vets that didn't listen is worse. I think what you have to look at though,is you believed something was wrong and attempted to do something about it. You were told by the educated doctors not to worry. It is a shame that having to fight this disease is what it took for a lot of us to start questioning our Vets and refusing to follow meekley along with anything they said. I think Brandy understands that you did everthing you could for her. It does take quite a while to get past the awful pain of losing to this damned disease but it does get easier to bear. I still questions things I did or did not do 2 1/2 years later. But now it justs saddens me instead of destroying me. Take care Penny

Penny Lytle Creek Calif

Sharon, I'm sorry to hear you're having such a bad time. I can honestly say I know how you feel. Cali was diagnosed in April, but she hadn't been right since last October. They were treating her for what we thought was a leg injury ( she had been limping) & put her on Rimadyl. I believe her syptoms started then. She couldn't jump on the couch & we had to lift her into bed. I took her back a few times & was told she just needed time to heal. They said it could take 6 months. I finally decided to get the x-rays done because she wasn't getting better- no worse, but no better. The day of her appointment she could hardly walk. It happened so fast. She was admitted into the emergency clinic & given her first transfusion. It turned our world upside down. She was such a great dog why was this happening? I was angry at God. After 8 weeks we thought she was improving, but again God had other plans. She passed away June 21st a week before my 40th birthday, and a week before I was put on indefinite layoff. When it rains it pours. I still cry thinking about my precious girl. We did adopt a new puppy 3 weeks ago and I hope to form a strong bond with her. My 11 year old dog ironicaly is named Brandy. She has had some issues with the new puppy Laci, but all Laci wants to do is give her kisses. I know she misses Cali too. There have been days when I really couldn't care if life went on or not. You just have to work through your emotions day by day. I don't know if it will get easier, but I'm sure Brandy wouldn't want you to blame yourself. She loved you & knew how much you loved her. It does help to talk abou it here because people understand how you are feeling. Take Care, Dee

Dee WI

I think that you are right that there could be signs of something not quite right but impossibe to you to realise at the time. My puppy who got IMHA at 9 months was never very active as a young pup it makes you wonder if something just simmers along but impossible to pick up yourself. When you have never even heard of such a disease how could you know without extensive blood tests that anything is not quite right. Please don't question your judgement you did everthing possible to save Brady when you found out what was wrong.You takes your vets advice as they tell you they have many years experience etc. When I was told my dog had IMHA my first reaction was what is that.

Julie Australia

Dear Sharon, Guilt..... why do we all have it? We all question what would have happened if we had done something differently. Reality is you did everything you could do to save Brandy. A harsher reality is that sometimes things are out of our control. I have rehashed the circumstances of Sunny's disease and death over and over and I too, feel guilty even though I know in my heart I did all that I knew to do. Your kind words have been a source of comfort to me and many others on this forum. I am so sorry that so many aspects of your life are in turmoil right now. But two things are certain. #1 Your life will get better. #2 You gave Brandy a wonderful life and much love during her life on this earth. You are in my prayers, Leslie

Leslie Oceanside

Dear Sharon -- I feel for you. Like you and so many others on this forum who have lost their beloved dogs to IMHA, I have felt and continue to feel the emotions you expressed about your huge sense of loss, your unending sadnes, and your occasional desire to join your dear Brandy at the Bridge. The grief from this disease is intense, but as Penny says, in time it will become more bearable. I continue to question my actions, my vets' decisions, and just about everything else, but I know it will not bring my dear Wiley back. I have done lots of research on dog health issues, thyroid issues, and veterinary developments, so I will be smarter when I add a new dog to my life. The best we can do for ourselves now is to accept that we did the best we could for our dogs' fight against IMHA with the information and vet expertise we had at the time. We can enjoy those wonderful memories of our lives with our beloved dogs. And we can be grateful for the time that God granted us with these wonderful,loving creatures. I am so glad that Wiley graced our lives for ten years, rather than never at all. And I know we'll be together again. Please take care and let us know how you're doing. This forum has helped me manage my grief, because people here understand the pain from losing a dog to this damned disease.

Brenda VA

thanks everyone for all your never-ending support. Don't you wish there was a switch for the guilt and regret portion of the brain? I know right now I am way overextended in the tired dept due to life circumstances, so that is when it is at it's worst. Keeping up here to try to get through this, as my schedule should improve in the next few weeks. When you are tired, all the mind games fail and the focus is grim. But, coming here gives comfort and a sense of better focus, so........ God Bless to all you and our best friends both here and waiting at the end of the Rainbow. sharon and angel Brandy

sharon pa

I am hurting for you and feel similar pain after losing my sweet little Miniature Schnauzer, Miracle. She is playing with Brandy at the bridge and probably wondering why I'm still hurting over her passing. I've been living this nightmare over and over as well. The final conclusion with Miracle was kidney disease/failure, but I read in an article that it is one side affect of the Prednisone. I'm not sure what to believe anymore because my biggest problem is the care she received at the emergency vet clinic. The young vet was on call and when she arrived to speak with me she was yawning a lot and did not know what to do. She obviously was very confused and not experienced with AIHA. I beat myself up wondering if I'd driven the 2 and a half hours to the specialists would Miracle have survived. She may have done better than being with someone who didn't know what was going on. After learning that Miracle left us because of kidney failure I did more reading in the Merck veterinary manual to help me understand what occurs and learned with renal failure the contents back up into the stomach. I have no experience in medicines of any kind, but I am interested in learning all I can to help me understand what my baby went through. There's IV solutions that can be given to try and help with this because the fluids building up in the stomach are toxic. My regular vet, whom I trust and is experienced, immediately went to work trying to save my baby while this inexperienced on call vet was confused and was ready to pass her off to someone else. I only wish Dr. Moreaux had been there that night because he's the one who removed Miracle's spleen and I'm sure he would have done more. I spoke to another on-call vet who suggested I move on and accept it, that it was most likely cancer. I've learned since my conversation with her that there were no signs of cancer. All I can do is pray Miracle did not suffer while at the hands of this emergency room vet. I can also only hope to God she called the clinic in Mandeville for guidance. I was an emotional mess in those wee hours of the morning and relied on the expertise of a medical professional so was at her mercy, but I also feel guilty for being ignorant of this disease as well. I did give the vet a copy of Miracle's report from the internal medicine specialist. May God continue to console and comfort you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Bless you and Brandy. Ramona and Angel Miracle

Ramona Lafayette

Sharon, There is not a day that goes by...often not an hour that goes by...that I don't continue to have the moments of Barkley's last eight weeks of this life play over and over again in my mind, searching for answers, angry, in pain, with that chasm in my gut that feels bottomless...and which I feel I could easily disappear into and would at times welcome doing so, just to be able to spend all my time with him again, even if it could only be by being enveloped in the pain of his loss and the intensity of my memories of him. I have learned before in my life that sometimes the pain of not letting go seems like the only way to not loose that precious soul we loved so totally...and without whom we cannot imagine life ever being life again. I've also learned that at times the only way we can stand to go through such profound loss is to keep reaching for answers, so that we can somehow make life not so random and out of our control...and so feel that we might possibly be able to risk loving again because this time we'll know more and have more power and knowledge to conquer whatever life might bring. It is extremely hard, in the grip of agonizing grief, to reach out to the fact that life also brought us that being we have been so privileged to love with all our heart and soul...and if it did not do so we might not be in our pit but only because we could never have been in our joy and ecstatic attachment. My Barkley had one gift in life that, as a human, just seems to stay constantly out of my capability...the gift of being fully in the moment and living it fully in that moment...with no looking back with regret or guilt. I envy him that gift in some ways...but also am deeply grateful for the capacity that life has given me to have a consciousness and intellect that could let me fight the best I could to extend his moments...and to now try to do so for other furry role models who might find themselves following the same IMHA path that he ultimately had to travel...but with my efforts to raise money for research and to educate other dog owners and vets, etc...hopefully their journey might someday have a different ending. I believe that when Barkley crossed the Bridge, a piece of me went with him that I will never get...nor would want to get...back. I now wear a button everywhere that says "My Tibetan Terrier changed my life" and I mean that more than most people could ever understand...but not so for you and the others who find their way here. I just hope that I can make real that change in ways that would make him know that I am still fighting for him but in a new way and have become a person worthy of the incredible love he so freely gave to me. And I hope that, when I am so weary of the many things that life can bring my way that I can hardly put one physical or emotional foot in front of the other, I will be able to reach inward to all he brought me and feel renewed enough to continue on my journey, still fighting for him in these new ways and feeling renewed and restored by them...and my memories of him. Sharon, please know...everything I have written hear to you I have written as well and as much to myself. The climb out of the grief sometimes feels insurmountable. If you need to write me, scream more, cry more, rage more...anything more...we're here. Tenderly, Cheryl (and always Barkley)

Cheryl Medford

Dear Sharon, The reason why I'm here on this forum is because we all feel the same and are here to listen, cry and comfort each other. Thank you for sharing with us, Sharon. We are here for you. We all have a part of us with our little ones in heaven. Our Mürfi passed away a month ago (which seems like it's been forever) and we had to take a vacation trip to go home to our family in Germany. I carried Mürf's "presence" with me and thought of him the entire time. The whole family took a roadtrip and in the city of Dresden, we passed by a beautiful bank and field over the river Elbe with the view of the city behind and vineyards draping the hills. The were some dogs running through the field, and I felt God's comfort over me at that moment that that was a mere glimpse of where our precious ones have gone to. But oh at the same moment, how I miss my Mürf. But we have a comfort that we all can hold on to that they are in a better place and wonderfully taken care of, and we have a God who carries us when we can't carry on. My prayers to you and your family. Keep us posted. Chrissie

Chrissie Washington

Sorry you are in such pain. I understand the guilt and the other crap too. Try to focus on the positive even though sometimes (i think) it's feels good to feel the pain. I have started feeling guilty when I realize I didn't cry as much as the day before. Hang in there :)

Courtney SLO

Sharon, I am thinking of you and Brandy. I'm sorry that you are in emotional and physical pain. Sadly, the roller coaster never ends, whether they are here with us or not. I am hoping you find more peace as time goes on. Brandy was so lucky to have such a wonderful caring mom. melissa and tiggs

melissa

I feel for you because I went thru the same thing when Drago died. You have your husband to lean on and count on him for support. I found the thing that helped me the most was adopting an abused puppy. The look of thankfullness on her face for rescuing her makes it all worth while. I spent alot of money trying to save Drago so I was not in the position to spend, but for the sake of you sanity do it. It will not replace you loved one but it will help. There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss Drago yet and it is almost a year, but Tofka does help. She is so loving and accepting that you can't help but love her.

Sue PA

This thread was discussed between 20/09/2008 and 24/09/2008

Canine Autoimmune Hemolytic Anemia (AIHA & IMHA) forum index

This thread is from the Vetnet archive. The live Vetnet forum is active now.