Canine Autoimmune Hemolytic Anemia (AIHA & IMHA) - How could this happen, Barkley?

On Thursday, August 21 I went and picked up by Barkle Boy from the vet after his 7th blood transfusion and a staff member commented on the lilt in his step and the fact that he looked better than he had after any of his previous transfusions. On Thursday, August 28 I went and picked up Barkley's ashes from the vet and we all cried together again...and my insides and my heart just kept and keep screaming "How could this have happened to my wonderful, special, happy, beautiful innocent little boy?! It's just not fair or right! And the scream won't stop and won't stop and won't stop...and then explodes into more tears! And then I find a picture of Barkley and I together in his agility class and I add it to the alter I've created that already holds his collar and some locks of his fur and his ashes and some flowers...and I smile as I first hold his picture to my heart...and then more tears. I am so thankful for this place and for all of you who come together here with your hope and words of wisdom and memories and shared grief...and tenderness for my boy. I don't how I'd do it without you. Cheryl (and always Barkley)

Cheryl Medford

Oh Cheryl, My heart breaks for you... I can only imagine your pain and heartbreak... I fear that I will soon be in your position. I don't think my Nancy is going to make it. I think we are not going to choose the multiple transfusions. She is starting not to eat again.. don't know how much further her PCV can drop... AnnaMarie

AnnaMarie Illinois

:( my heart goes out to you

josh/sway california

Cheryl, I know too well the awful deep screaming pain. Just reading your note I am sobbing for you, for me, for Barkley and Brandy and all those here who love so very deeply, it feels as if someone ripped out your very heart. I was pretty much semi-functional and unconsolable for 2 weeks. I pray for comfort in some small way. I too have that "altar" with pix, ashes, collar and some hair and some angel books to remind me about doggie heaven and how much better they are now. Please feel the hugs and prayers even for a second. love, Sharon and angel Brandy

sharon pa

Cheryl, I cried while reading your post. My heart really goes out to you. I am so sorry that you've had to go through this pain and loss. You are in my prayers. May God hold you and comfort you and help you to get through this as only He can. I truly believe that when we get to heaven we will be reunited with the beloved pets we've lost. I can't imagine a heaven without dogs and cats.

Karen NC

Cheryl, I am so sorry about your beloved Barkley. Our Crosby passed away August 4 - He was orginially diagnosed June 19. Several times we really thought he was going to make it, it was not to be so. Your posting just mirrored our feelings, it truly touched me. We also still have Crosby's picture and ashes out. Please know that you are not alone. This is truly a terrible disease. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Rebecca

Rebecca Maryland

Cheryl, I know your confusion and grief. When my Salome relapsed a month into her treatment she seemed to be recovering on the Friday and the Vet even planned on letting her go home on the Sunday instead we got the call Saturday it was time to let her go. I cried for 6 months until I sent off for a bracelet from these people www.footandpaw.com I don't know if it is because the people that make them have also walked this path or what but from the moment I put it on I have been at peace with my loss. I am not saying I don't miss my babydog every single day but the aching screaming pain is not there. I know Joanne and Brenda also wear theirs proudly and maybe they can tell you their feelings about their bracelets. Penny

Penny Lytle Creek Calif

Cheryl, We are so sorry for all the anger and pain you are in now loosing Barkley. This disease is an awful disease and we still have our Holly after 17 months, but what a battle it has been. When we first lost our very first dachshund to kidney failure, we cried for 6 months I think everyday, in fact we cried more for her then we did when our parents passed away. It is so very hard. The only thing I can tell you right now, is that in time the tears will become less and the anger also, but it will take time. Just take one day at a time right now and try to focus on all the good times you spent with Barkley. Linda

Linda Sapphire

Cheryl -- I am so sorry that Barkley didn't make it. Try to think that he is happy and healthy again and that he waits for you while he plays with all of our dear dogs who have lost their battle with this horrible disease. That question, how could it happen?, still haunts all of us. The only way to begin on the road to peace is to just accept that it did -- for some reason, your dear dog was hit with this disease. In more than 90% of cases, the vets don't know, and that's the challenge of treating it. Our dear beagle Wiley had the best health care I could give her, and she overcame a number of health issues (epilepsy, hypothyroidism, IVDD, Addison's, and a torn ACL) to live an active happy life. She loved life. And yet a month after her annual physical and despite blood work every six months, IMHA struck suddenly and unexpectedly and took her. The pain is still terrible today. My husband and I still have not added another dog to our family. Our hearts still belong to her; they always will. In time, you'll shift from focusing on pain to thinking about the joy and love that your dear dog brought to your life. And despite the pain of loss, you'll know that you felt the grace of the Lord when he sent this wonderful dog your way to give you love, joy, and fun. And you'll think that the joy of the life you had together is much more than the pain, no matter how horrible the grief. But, you still can't help but feel the loss. Penny mentioned the bracelet from Foot and Paw studios, and it has been a wonderful thing for me. Mark makes them so that, if you have a few strands of fur from your dog, he can put in the clasp. So, I have some of Wiley's fur in the clasp that rests next to my skin, and the heat from my veins keeps the clasp warm. And I think of the warmth of her love and her little body next to mine. It comforts me a great deal. I wear mine every day and I tuck it in my dresser each night. I also donate each month to the Meisha's Hope Fund at the Morris Animal Foundation, because I see it as "the way" to a potential cure for this horrible disease. If those of us who have suffered from IMHA don't work toward a cure, no one will. Finally, I have stayed with this forum, which I found only after my dear Wiley was gone. I have never met anyone here, but their understanding has been key to easing my grief. I know I can come here and be amongst friends, all of whom have been touched by this horrible disease and many who have suffered the same loss as I have. I am so sorry to hear about Barkley. Please take care and let us know how you're doing. You have friends here.

Brenda VA

Cheryl, Im so sad to read the pain you are experiencing after your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs Lisa

Lisa West Aust

I am so very sorry you lost your dear boy to this awful disease! It has been 6 1/2 years since I lost Stormie to AIHA within 48 hours of diagnosis...I can cry still at the strangest times...but I can also smile and laugh and thank God that I was owned by her for almost 10 years. I miss her every day. Her pictures are still up around the house and I won't take them down. It will take a LONG time to heal...you will in time but you will never forget the love of your life. I know. You are not alone. Please take care of yourself. Barkley is now well and strong, romping with our furkids who have gone on ahead of us. Mrs. Gates

Mrs. Gates Michigan

Hi Cheryl I am so sorry for your loss. I lost Lily two years ago when she was nearly 2 within 72 hours of first diagnosis. I also still cry for her now and again. I also still have her collar and her little fluffy duck she had from birth. I'm now going through this again with BillyBob who is two and a half, he's three months into treatment and holding his own at the moment. Please remember you never lose your best friend because they are always in your heart. Take care, Steph

Steph UK

Cheryl, I am suffering right along side you, my friend. Since I lost my Sunny this week also, I think we are probably going through the same stages of grief. I too, am screaming inside with the pain. I saw a story on the news this morning that gave me some comfort and I want to share it with you. It was about a little boy whose life was cut short because of multiple sclerosis. His mother said, "I don't ever ask myself, Why me..... Instead I ask myself Why not me." It made me think about just how blessed I was to have the time that I had with my boy. I spent six years with the best friend I ever had. Yes, I miss him. Yes, it hurts. But I was so lucky that I was the one entrusted to care for him and share his life, even if it was cut short by IMHA. I hope that the pain lessens soon. I am thinking about you and praying for you. Leslie

Leslie Oceanside

Cheryl I am so very sorry to hear how your heart aches. But God's plan for us isn't something we can see from inside the picture frame. I only know that he does these things for a reason and "when he closes a door, he opens a window"...A big window. I know Barkley sees you and would if possible let you know everything is all right and that he has even more love for you now. He knows how very much you miss him and he is looking forward to the time that are reunited. In time your heart will heal and it will be filled again with the love God blessed you with in Barkley.

Cheryl & Ginger Pineville PA

What a sad time for you.... I am truly sorry for your loss, I'm sure Barkley is glad though, he had you to love and take care of his life on earth...

beth virginia

So sorry for your loss. The hardest part is just not knowing why. My thoughts are with you.

Julie Australia

One week ago today...I can't believe he's gone. May the life he couldn't keep be found and given to all of you who are still fighting to hold on to yours. Tender blessings to all. Cheryl (and always Barkley)

Cheryl Medford

Cheryl, I was sorry to hear about Barkley. I was so glad to find this website when Cali was diagnosed in April. She passed away June 21st a week before my 40th Birthday. I have cried many tears for her, and took her loss harder then many people I have lost. I always said she was an angel on earth. Maybe that's what all the dogs with this disease are. They are all taken away too early because they are needed elsewhere. My heart goes out to you & your family. Dee

Dee Wi

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. This is a awful, awful disease.... None of us will ever understand why. You are in my thoughts.

Kim CT

My heart goes out to you. All of us that have been thru this it is really hard. Drago let me know when it was time to stop and that helped me a great deal. She gave me one last kiss and layed down for the vet and peacefully went to sleep. That hardest thing I ever had to do. So, hang in there and remember the good times.

Sue PA

Cheryl, I am so sorry for your loss. Barkley will always be in your heart. Love never does die. Even though its expression may change, it's always there. I often feel as difficult and painful as the experience can be with an AIHA/IMHA dog, we have all been blessed in some way to have these special ones in our lives.

Ronda So Cal

Today is September 9 and I am sitting here in front of my computer, researching this horrible, horrible disease that took my best friend's life yesterday.(monday) I really don't understand what happened, I'm in complete shock, my heart is in pieces, 4 days ago we were playing, running around and he was there waiting with his big smile when I came home from work, everything was fine.....Friday morning I woke up to find him lifeless on the floor, I got him to stand up and he just blead all over the floor....my world seriously fell apart Friday. I have never even heard of this disease until now....Thankfully he did not suffer and I know in my heart he is in a better place, but for some reason it makes the pain worse.....I feel like I have lost so much....words can't even describe what he meant to me....Oakley you will never be replaced RIP babe love you lots! xoxo

Molly Canada

I AM SO SORRY. I KNOW HOW BAD IT HURTS AND EVEN AFTER ALMOST 5 YEARS SINCE I LOST MY GOLDEN RETRIEVER, HUNTER, TO THIS HORRIBLE DISEAS, I STILL CRY AND I CA'T HELP BUT WONDER WHY MY SWEET BOY WAS TAKEN FROM ME SO YOUNG. IT JUST WASN'T FAIR. nd i think all of us feel hat way no matter if our dog was young or old. why our dog?

SANDRA SLAYTN TEXAS

I've cried over and over while reading your post and the replies here. I lost my dear Miracle to this disease in less than a week after diagnosis. Yesterday marked three weeks. I can't help but relive that time over and over again although it has helped after I first posted here. Everyone has been so helpful in helping me understand. Maybe one day you can make a memorial page for your precious Barkley. I find posting to Miracle's diary helpful although some nights it gets me crying again. I'm sending big hugs and prayers to you during this difficult time.

Ramona Hand Lafayette

This thread was discussed between 29/08/2008 and 11/09/2008

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