Canine Autoimmune Hemolytic Anemia (AIHA & IMHA) - Guilt

One day before I thought Rocco might be sick, I took him for a walk. He didn't want to walk, but I figured he was just being stubborn since we just moved a couple of days before. I decided not to walk him so I brought him back to the building. I picked him up and carried him to the elevator. After getting off the elevator, he took a few steps and laid down again. Once again I thought he was being stubborn. Then, in retrospect, in the worst thing I've ever done, I dragged him to the new apartment. It was probably around 20 feet, but now that I know he was sick, this is killing me.

Glenn NJ

Glenn, you can't blame yourself for this at all, trust me I have been there and replayed everything I did the day before I took Holly to the vet. I wish I'd taken action more quickly, on the Friday when she started to show signs of not wanted to go for a walk but as she had recently been a bit under the weather I didn't push the issue and left her, then on Saturday I was so wrapped up with my dad visiting the next day and going to a friends for dinner that I just gave her some quiet time. Having read many posts on here I now believe that even if I had got Holly to the vets earlier she still would not have made it as this disease seems to take a hold so quickly. It is all so raw now but give it a little time and you will start to feel better, focus on the good times and remember just how much you loved Rocco. Feel free to e-mail me Glenn if you want to chat. Sending you lots of love Keri

Keri Lynn Wales UK

Dear Glenn, Oh dear. We all do things with our dogs that we look back at and wish we had not done. Dogs can be difficult to train and sometimes they do things that irritate us. The difference is, though, that those people who should not own dogs are the ones that do things like tie them up outside and leave them in the hot sun or train them to fight other dogs. They fail to give them good food or adequate veterinary care. There are certainly things I have done with Chance over the last 11 years that I look back and regret deeply. He was my first Giant Schnauzer and was so difficult to train when he was a puppy I almost sent him back to the breeder. I did not and eventually he matured enough that I was able to train him very well. But it took me thousands of hours and many unhappy moments for both of us. When Chance first became sick last year, I too was annoyed that he was dragging on walks. I yelled at him, it was cold and snowy out, and the slow plodding was driving me crazy. I think of that time and I am ashamed as well. But once I knew he was sick, I took the best care I could of him. *As you have done as well.* Dogs forgive us for our stupid humanness over and over again everyday. They don't harbor any kind of misgivings about our actions in the past. They are always living in the instant of time that is *now.* I can be sure that Rocco was always happy to see you and that you always responded back to him with that same happiness. This small moment in time that you are reliving is just a mote in God's eye. The sum of your life with Rocco is full of love and affection for each other. Make yourself a promise today that you will make amends for this grief and doubt that you are feeling. From this point forward live your life as though each moment was a tribute to Rocco. People who own and love dogs are extraordinary folks. They are changed in many positive ways that other people notice. Others may never know about Rocco but they will recognize something very special about you. We all forgive you here and hope that you will forgive yourself as well. with much love, patrice

Patrice NYS

Glenn, There is no way you could have known that Rocco had this disease at that time. Please forgive yourself as I am sure that Rocco did. Guilt is one of the stages of grief. We all wish there were some things that we could change. You were an excellent pet owner. You had no control over the course that the disease took with your precious dog. I am praying that you can soon remember the good times and not hurt so much. Leslie

Leslie Oceanside

I don't think Rocco would want you to feel guilty for something you think you might have done wrong. That moment was such a tiny part of his entire wonderful life with you, think about all the good things you did for him. Dogs just live for the moment and that's why we love them so much, the never hold our mistakes against us and we have all made them with our pets. There will always be guilt when I loved one dies, and I think it is just natural human emotion and we all have experienced the could of's, should of's but at the time we did the best we could possibly do and Rocco knew that. It is going to be a rough few months but hang in there you do feel better in time. Cheryl & Ginger

Cheryl & Ginger caf0208@aol.com

Glenn -- In our grief over losing our dear dogs to this disease, we find all kinds of things/moments to feel guilty about. It seems the natural way of things. But everyone here is right -- we all have done things that we regret in retrospect. The most important thing for you to think about is that once you knew Rocco was sick, you did everything in your power to give him the chance to fight this. He couldn't have asked anything more of you. When you add up all the moments of your life with Rocco, I am sure that one judgment comes through loud and clear -- you loved him and he loved you and you shared a wonderful life. Many of us have been where you are today. The grief is terrible, but you have to know that you did all that you could. And you have to hang on to those wonderful memories of the beautiful life you shared with Rocco. Remember that it was better to have had him share your life for some time, than never to have shared it at all. At times when I feel overwhelmed with sadness at losing my Wiley, I think of this and realize that I have to be grateful for the blessing of my life shared with Wiley than to focus exclusively on the pain of her unexpected death because of IMHA. It's still hard, but I know her presence in my life was a blessing, the same as Rocco's presence in your life was a blessing. Please take care and keep up posted on how you're doing This forum has always been a great comfort to me, and I think it will be for you too.

Brenda VA

Glenn, As quickly as this disease comes on there is no way you could have known that Rocco wasn't just being stubborn. We had an Aussie that used to do things like pretend his paw hurt so we would lavish attention on him, except he would forget which paw he was supposed to be favoring and the jig would be up. I know it is hard right now but try to dig through your pain and thing of something Rocco did that just made you laugh out loud. It takes a long time to get over the loss of a dog to this kind of disease because it is so sudden and we all felt we should have noticed things weren't right. It has been 2 1/2 years since I lost my dear Salome and I can still beat myself up for things but then I push that away and remember all the good days we had. My life was truly better because of that silly bitchy dog and I will always be thankful for that. Penny

Penny Lytle Creek Calif

Glenn, I'm so sorry for Rocco's passing. I too dragged Tiggs the night before he was diagnosed. I thought it was just hot, or he just had a minor bug. In my mind, I figured if it was something really serious, I would know. I was wrong. We were lucky, and Tiggs is recovering, but most of us had never heard of this horrible disease, and we all did the best we could once we found out what it was. I am thinking of you and your beautiful Rocco, I know that you did everything you could to save him. melissa and tiggs

melissa slc

Glenn Please don't feel guilty - you weren't to know. I did the same the day before Billy was diagnosed. Dragged him out in awful weather for a two-miler, he soldiered on but he didn't want to be there. I still feel guilt for the girl I lost in 2006, my vet told me it was just a bug. There are lots of "if only's" with this disease, but you can only do the best you can - as I'm sure you did. Please try to remember the good times and smile when you think of Rocco, the tears will fade in time. You never lose your best friend because you always find them in your heart. Steph

Steph Gloucester

Glenn, What you are feeling is a normal reaction. I've felt the same way when a loved one --- be it a pet or a human --- is gone. We always say "what if" or "I wish I had." It's hard for us to remember the millions of good times and concentrate on one or two regretful episodes. Dogs show us unconditional love and I believe they are a gift from God. We get a glimpse from them of God's unconditional love for us as well as His forgiveness. You loved and cared for Rocco and that is what is important. He was lucky to have such a caring human dad. Take care and try to stay strong. Karen

Karen NC

This thread was discussed between 23/11/2008 and 24/11/2008

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