Canine Autoimmune Hemolytic Anemia (AIHA & IMHA) - Does the pain and emptiness ever go away

I feel like i failed my baby boy.

Robin Nys

You did everything you could Robin. There is no failure. Don't think that way. Sometimes we are powerless over those things in life that are bigger than us. This is one of those situations. Be brave.

Mardi Northern Calif

Dear Robin, No way - you did not fail him. His body failed him, and this disease is the reason. You did everything you could, and fought to the end. There was nothing more you could have done for him. Sometimes AIHA / IMHA wins, sometimes we are lucky enough to beat it. The bravest and kindest decision you made for Jack was to let him go. He isn't in any pain anymore. There are so many other owners on this forum that had to make the same decision as you, so hopefully they can also reassure you. I know you sought the best care for Jack and tried everything you could, so there is no doubt that you did NOT fail him. Stay strong and remember the happy times with Jack. Time will help ease your pain. Thinking of you, Samantha.

Samantha Geelong Australia

Oh Robin, Please don't blame yourself!!!! Jack knows that you did everything in your power to help him try and fight this disease, but it is like Samantha said sometimes they just don't have the fight in them. You just have to believe that he is at peace now. I know it hurts so bad right now, but just take one day at a time. When we lost our first dachshund to Kidney Failure, I thought I would never get over her loss, I cried for months over loosing her. I promise you in time, the days will get easier. Please take care, Linda

Linda Sapphire

Awwww Robin, ((((HUGS)))) I have lost two dogs to AIHA, I know the heart break... I also know that feeling of failure. I can tell you this - it is a normal feeling, and will ease soon. While you may still have been willing to fight (I was)... Was Jack, was it quality life for him? The kindest thing we can do is recognize that quality of life is so much more important than quantity. In the case of my two, the weakness, lethargy, constant pricks, and pills had robbed them of a quality life. I had to help them both to the bridge - while difficult for me, it was the kindest thing to do for them. You did not fail Jack - you were his champion! My deepest sympathies to you, you are in my prayers. blessings, Julie

Julie IL

Robin, you most definitely have not failed your boy. There are certain things we have no control over. I lost Scruffy, 9 months old, to IMHA bone marrow failure and I couldn't do anything to save him. I also lost just before that my beloved St. Bernard. over 80 kilos at 9 years of age. She just suddenly one day lay down and could not get up on her feet again. The feeling of helplessness of not even being able to lift her up to get her to a vet was so hard. I have her put to sleep on her bed by a visiting vet and she never suffered. It is us that suffer not them. Time really does help. I felt guilty over not being able to save Scruffy for over 12 months, thinking I should have done more and not listened to the vets who didn't know what they were treating. However now after all this time, I realise I probably could never have saved him no what and I probably did the kindest thing for him even though at the time it apsolutely devistated me. Be brave, you will feel much better in time and you really are going thru the worst at the moment. Take care. Julie

Julie Australia

Robin, I know your heart is breaking but you have to know that you did what you could for Jack. You made the toughest decision in the world, but in your heart you have to believe you did what was best for Jack. While I have not lost a dog to IMHA, I have lost 3 in the last 5 years to other diseases. 5 years ago, I had to end the suffering of my lab Cerberus, who was first dog I ever owned...I still think secretly to myself, "what could I have done differently". But deep down I knew it was time to end his suffering and that keeping him with me was selfish. Jack was so lucky to have you in his life, in time the sadness will lessen, and you will be able to think about Jack without always crying. NEVER feel like you failed Jack, you did so much for him, so much more than many in this world would do. Being unselfish enough to let him go when you knew how badly he was suffering is a heroic thing. Wendi

Wendi Ohio

Robin Please don't feel you failed him or let him down in any way. I have lost two to this disease, one in 3 days and one after 10 months and I still find myself saying "What if we tried this". You did everything you possibly could. You didn't do this to him - the disease did. You had to make the toughest decision you'll ever had to make. The pain will go in time and you will be able to remember him and smile. Just take your time. Steph

Steph Gloucestershire UK

Robin, my heart breaks for you, for myself and for everyone else on this board who has had to make that heart breaking decision. xo

Effie Melbourne Australia

Robin, You did NOT fail Jack. Know in you heart of hearts that you did all you could for him because you did. When you feel up to it please read the Loss & Grief page at the Meisha's Hope AIHA/IMHA Website: http://www.cloudnet.com/~jdickson/loss.htm This page was written with input from those who have lost their dogs to AIHA/IMHA and contains many resources that will be very helpful to you. Be assured you are in my thoughts and prayers during these most very difficult days.

Joanne MN

Robin, Please don't blame yourself. You loved Jack and you did everything you knew to do for him. I'm sure he felt your love. It is only natural during the grieving process to blame yourself. When we lose loved ones we tend to look at the bad stuff and think why didn't I do this or that, why did I say that or react that way, instead of concentrating on all the wonderful things that individual brought into our lives. You'll always miss Jack and some days will be worse than others, but time does have a way of easing the pain. I pray that God will lift you up and carry you through this difficult time. Take care, Karen

Karen NC

Your greatest gift to Jack was your love. You cannot fail when you love someone as much as you loved Jack. Do not blame yourself for this horrible disease. Thinking of you, Sue

Sue Kingston Ontario Canada

Robin....I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Like everyone else is saying don't blame yourself. Jack was a lucky boy to have you there for him. We can only do what we know is right. You were there for him when he needed you the most and that's what really counts. I'm sure he has lots of new friends now at the rainbow bridge. Running up a storm and making the wind blow. Again, my deepest condolences to you and your family during this tough time. Hang in there...time will heal your wound. Johnny & Tessy

Johnny

Robin, I know exactly how you are feeling. The guilt and regret I felt after Boogie died was overwhelming. It absolutely took my breath away. If you want to email me privately, I will try to help you in any way I can. It has been such a challenge getting through this first year since Boogie's death, but time does help. It gets easier to handle. I am so very sorry you lost your precious boy. Sue

Sue I. Moorpark

Oh Robin, Please dont do this to yourself. I know how you feel, and i cannot tell you how often i wonder what if what if i did this or that. I know i did the best i could, with what i knew about this disease, and my vet did the best he could for us. I truly miss my Kent so much, my heart is just broken and i wake up sometimes not believing he is gone. But like me, you did the best you could. And like me, you had to be courageous and put his best interests before yourself - you had to make the decision to help him over the bridge, and that takes courage. It takes Love, and courage, to do this, and Jack counted on you to not let him suffer, just as Kent counted on me. You did the best you could and more - you let him go. Now you have to take care of yourself, and realize Jack would not want you to suffer so. I know how hard it is, many of us here have suffered through this. Please let me share this poem with you, and for all of us who have had to help our dogs to the bridge. Rest in Peace, Jack. When Tomorrow Starts Without Me When tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see. The sun will rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me. I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did that day, remembering how I'd lay my head in your lap that special way. I know how much you loved me, as much as I loved you. And each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too. But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand, that an angel came and called my name and petted me with her loving hand. She said my place was ready, in Heaven far above and that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love. But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye, for all my life I never thought that I would have to die. I had so much to live for, so many sits and downs to do, it seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you. I thought about our lives together, I know you must be sad, I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had. If I could relive yesterday, just even for awhile, I'd wag my tail and kiss you, just so I could see you smile. But, then I fully realized that this could never be, for emptiness and memories will take the place of me. And when I thought of treats and toys, I might miss come tomorrow, I thought of you and when I did, my dog-heart filled with sorrow. But then I walked through Heaven's gate, and felt so much at home, as God looked down and smiled at me from his beautiful golden throne. He said, "This is eternity, and now we welcome you, today your life on earth is past, but here it starts anew. I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last, for you see, each day is the same here, there's no longing for the past. So now at last I’m free, don’t think we're far apart. For every time you think of me, I'm right there, in your heart.

Christine Fl

Christine, what a beautiful poem for those of us who have lost our precious babies. From a broken hearted mother xo

Effie Melbourne Australia

Hi all, I had wanted to post this one, below, but it took me awhile to find it again. May all our furbabies rest in peace til we reunite... The Last Battle If it should be that I grow frail and weak, and pain should keep me from my sleep, Then will you do what must be done, for this -- the last battle -- can't be won. You will be sad I understand, but don't let grief then stay your hand, For on this day, more than the rest, your love and friendship must stand the test. We have had so many happy years, you wouldn't want me to suffer so. When the time comes, please, let me go. Take me to where to my needs they'll tend, only, stay with me till the end And hold me firm and speak to me, until my eyes no longer see. I know in time you will agree, it is a kindness you do to me. Although my tail its last has waved, from pain and suffering I have been saved. Don't grieve that it must be you, who has to decide this thing to do; We've been so close -- we two -- these years, don't let your heart hold any tears. -- Unknown

Christine FL

What a beautiful poem Christine. Thank you.

Mardi Northern Calif

This thread was discussed between 14/09/2009 and 16/09/2009

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